TFW Today - May 31, 2011                      

Top 10 Truths By Which Live
by Dr. Lois Frankel

With this, my final post on the Thin Pink Line, I want to share with you the top ten truths I have learned through my experiences, education, and the wise women I have been fortunate to encounter along the way.  They are words I live by every day (some days harder to honor than others!) and that I believe have contributed to a blessed and rich life.  I hope you will remember them and that they in some contribute to my wish for you — a rich life in all ways.

1.  Look people in the eye and smile at them when you walk by. I always think of my mother when I do this as she taught it to me by example .  It costs you nothing and could make someone else feel as if they’re cared about — if only for a moment.  Ignore the peple who don’t respond in kind.

2.  Give more than you get. The world works in mysterious ways and one of them is paradox: the more you give away, the more you get.  You don’t give of your time, friendship, assistance, or money because you’re going to get something in return.  You do it because it’s the right thing to do and the universe rewards you when you least expect, but most need, it.

3.  Offer unconditional positive regard. Carol and I write about this in Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It.  It means that regardless how someone else treats you, treat them with respect.  You don’t have to agree with them or even remain in a relationship with them if they treat you poorly, but never stoop to someone else’s level.  You’ll never be sorry when you take the high road.

4.  No guts no glory. When I was in Bali many years ago I had this phrase carved into a deskplate as a constant reminder that if I wanted to achieve great things, I had to take risks.  With the exception of people I may have unintentionally hurt along my life path, I can’t think of any risks I took that I regret.

5.  Pay yourself first. My friend Karen told me this when I was writing Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich. Before you buy those shoes you’ve been wanting or lease in a car that you can’t really afford, make sure you’ve funded your retirement account first.  As I always say, hopefully you’re going to grow to be an old woman and it’s better to be a rich old woman than a poor one.  Trust me, I sleep better at night knowing I’m financially well-off and can live my life free from concerns about money — which just happens to be my definition of rich.

6.  Walk the talk.    A number of years ago I was asked to conduct a time management program for a client.  Much to their surprise, I declined.  At that stage of my career I didn’t feel as if I was doing a particularly good job of managing my own time, so who was I to tell other people how to do it?  It’s hypocritical to say one thing, then do another.

7.  You must do the things you think you cannot do. This might well be my favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quote.  Going beyond your anticipated limits or self-imposed boundaries will exponentially expand your self-confidence and your universe.

8.  Put your own oxygen mask on first. Not just literally, but figuratively as well.  There’s a reason why on airplanes you are instructed in the event of emergency to put your mask on before trying to help anyone else.  The sooner you take care of yourself, the more you can be of help to others.  Most women live their lives the other way around — then wonder why they aren’t fulfilled.

9.  Not making a choice, is a choice. Our lives are comprised of a series of choices.  We have no control over what others to do us, but we do have control over how we will respond.  Every step of the way make certain you examine the array of choices available to you and pick the one that makes the most sense in the moment.  Don’t worry about being wrong or making a bad choice.  As the Existentialists say, we make the best decisions for the best of all possible reasons in the moment.

10.  Constantly build relationships. If you’re a frequent reader of this blog, then you had to know it was going to come up in my top ten list!  Time and again throughout my life and career it was a relationship I had built, but never thought I would benefit from, that came to rescue or brought me something I needed.  You can’t have too many relationships (not to be confused with friendships) and when you need a relationship, it’s already too late to build it.

It has been a pleasure to blog for you these past few years.  I hope something I wrote clicked and made even a modest difference in your life.  Making a difference is among my personal top 3 values and I’ve tried to walk that talk with you.  You can find me blogging in the future on ForbesWoman and The Huffington Post.  Should our paths cross, be sure to introduce yourself (first AND last name of course) — I’d like to meet you.  You can always reach me through my website, www.drloisfrankel.com.